I love black thongs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
