When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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