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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
