I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
