I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
