sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
