I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
