Plan B is the new Plan A
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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