even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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