Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
