Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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