you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
