Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
