her vagine was all disorganized.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
