She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
