i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
