In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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