I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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