Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
