I need help removing her.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
