You really coming over, don't trick.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
