Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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