Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
