i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
