So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
