Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
