thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
