You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My ass is underappreciated
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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