Cold hands, warm shart.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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