What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize