Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
