my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
