I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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