I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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