we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I understand Curling. That high.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
