Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
