Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
