dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
