Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
