I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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