you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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