THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
