her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
