If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
