god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
