literally had 100 drinks last night.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
