I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Im part way to drunk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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