We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize