Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize