dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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