The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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