Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
