In the future we'll all be gay
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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