theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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