her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
