haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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