Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well you can't waste a boner
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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