please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize