forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So squirting runs in the family.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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