I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want her autograph on my taint
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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