***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
