While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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