I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
