Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
