are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
