you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
