You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
