so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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